Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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