I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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