I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
