Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
