??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
