I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
