if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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