the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
