May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize