Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
