I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
