Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
