This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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