she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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