I think I won the penis lottery.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
