I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
