Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
