Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
