Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
They are going to name an STD after you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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