So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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