Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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