I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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