We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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