Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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