One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
