yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
