I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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