I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
