I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
