Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
