Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
