How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
