how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize