3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
