ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
