literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
