I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
