Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
