I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
