i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
