I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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