You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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