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i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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