I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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