In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
