I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize