On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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