saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
