He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
