dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
