if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
