I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
