Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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