Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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