Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
