Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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