Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
