im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
