covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
