Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just blew my weed a kiss
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
