this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
