That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
