I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
