she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
