Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
