The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
