I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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