maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
