i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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