so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
