don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
