i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
