Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
