I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
