but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
