How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
