This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
