you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
