Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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