I just cut my nipple shaving
there's paper in my vomit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
