Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
