Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
