the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
