You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
