Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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