Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
