I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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