What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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