just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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