His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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