now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
