i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
