he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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