he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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