Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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