i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
