Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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