My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
