After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
