I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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