ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
