She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
