Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
